The I Am Project :: Everybody Likes You

October 31, 2011

happy monday, party people! hope you all had fabulous weekends. did you have exciting halloween plans? mine didn't include any halloween action, but it was pretty non-stop. i hope to be recapping several aspects of it this week. for now, yes, i am's are back! apologies for the gap. i feel like this week merits a bit of an explanation about the statement (which we actually intend to start doing more often).

it is safe to say that i have spent the majority of my life a stage 5 people pleaser. true with friendships, elders (of course), colleagues, and men i've been involved with. so much so that, in many instances, i've compromised my own wishes and opinions in order to remain as likeable as possible. it's taken years and years to overcome this deep desire to be liked. i wish i knew exactly where it came from. is that a trait you're born with or is it learned? at this point in my life - while i will always remain respectful, open-minded and professional - i'm constantly reminding myself that it's okay to take responsibility for what i need and what i want from my relationships. it's incredibly freeing to stand in your own convictions. i worry less about others' perceptions of me and more about living the way i want, knowing full and well that what i do and say will probably turn some people off. while it has never and probably will never be my intention to offend others, i'm more comfortable knowing that if it happens, it's a matter of clashing perspectives or personalities more so than something being wrong with who i am or what i want.

now i could do several posts on past relationships with men (errrr...boys, rather) as it relates to this topic, but we'll save that for another time. for now, i'll just say that it's okay to expect that you're never going to please everyone. so i say focus on the one that matters most. (that's you, btdubs.)

now, i obviously don't mean for this to be taken literally. if you're a generally likeable person, more power to you! just don't be willing to compromise yourself too much for others' sake.

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The I Am Project :: Our wish is to affirm and inspire the beauty in every woman, to celebrate the uniqueness in each of us, as well as the commonalities that unite us as women. We want to create a space to confront the dark places that come with growth; to witness women being valued for more than their bodies, clothes, or societal projections; to feel inspired by stories and images; and to become more deeply rooted in who we are as women. We want to become a net of resources that will nurture and fortify each other's confidence, and fill women with awareness of the extraordinary beauty that each of us uniquely brings to the world.

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12 comments:

Shannon said...

I am also guilty of spending too much time trying to please people in my late teens/early twenties...I think I am safely cured of that now that I turn 34 (on SATURDAY- yikes, birthday alert!) and after having one child (not to mention being VERY pregnant with my second)

Michelle said...

Totally understand where you are coming from. I feel like the older I am getting, the more I stop caring!

Anne-Marie @ 10 Rooms said...

oh, SO true! I was brought up with manners being a huge priority, and taught to be gracious at every turn... at some point it just gets too much. You compromise yourself constantly. One day you stand up for yourself and breathe a sigh of relief...

All things House and Beautiful said...

A great Monday post....I too have suffered from being an all round 'people pleaser' and not standing up for myself. I feel much more content now that I have stopped trying so hard...

The Salmons Family said...

Wow, great read and reminder for me this morning

Keely R said...

It is a great reminder to always be myself, I too worry what other's think about me. Thanks for the great post!

Mrs. Gumshoe said...

Love this one! One thing's for sure about you... you are THE MOST genuine person I have ever known. If that's a trait of a stage 5 people pleaser...then I wish I had a little more of that in me! :)

victoria | vmac+cheese said...

Love this! I've definitely gotten better at my people pleasing issues, but one area I still struggle with is not wanting to stand up and say something if I think it will offend/turn other people off. It's the southerner in me. We're taught to keep religion and politics out of things so as not to offend anyone! But sometimes I see people write the dumbest/illogical/plain crazy stuff on Twitter (or elsewhere) and am like, for real?!?!

Amanda Hill said...

Best words to live by!

jacquelyn | lark + linen said...

This is my favourite one so far!
How very right you are. I need to tell myself this over and over again until it sinks in for good. I too am a compulsive people pleaser - often at my own expense!

MFAMB said...

amen to that!

Libby Gourley said...

i love this! i wouldn't say that i'm a people pleaser exactly, but i have been guilty of being too aware of what other people might be thinking about me and letting that affect my actions (or stop action all together). i have really enjoyed my early 30s because, for the first time, i'm really letting go of that and accepting the fact that not everyone is going to love my choices or my views, but they are mine and i am confident in that. you expressed what i've been feeling really well, so thanks! :)

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